When I was a senior in high school, I wrote a letter to future me as a class assignment. I wrote about my relationships at the time and how I hoped they would change or stay the same in the future. I wrote about my anxieties about college and my hopes for the future. I wrote about how I hoped to grow in my faith over the years. My parents gave me this letter several months ago after they got it in the mail, and I read through it quickly before we went out for dinner and didn't give it a lot of thought. I was going through some drawers over the weekend and picked up my letter. I gave it more thought, and I was really happy.
In the letter I explained my reasoning for no longer wanted to go to med school, as if I needed to convince myself that I was making the right decision. It was funny to read this now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision, no convincing needed. I also wrote about how I was nervous about picking the wrong college major. It was just like my 18-year-old self to worry about making the "right" choices all of the time. I wrote about my relationship with Luke and the hopes I had for our future. I was a little bit turned off by the way I described our relationship at the time; I wrote in a very idealistic way and described the love I had for Luke in a very "young love" way. I wrote about how I worried about finding the right group of friends in college. I was so blessed with such wonderful friends prior to college that I was afraid I wouldn't meet anyone like them. My biggest hope for my future self was that I would mature in my relationship with God. I didn't go into much detail about this part, but I vividly remember the sentiment being there.
As I think about all of the things I had hoped for my future self, I couldn't be happier with the way things turned out. It turns out that I did pick a great major in college, but I added on an even better one half way through. The 18-year-old me would have been so ashamed by this; not making the right decision the first time would have been embarrassing. But at some point, I learned that being happy is more important than always getting it right. I also realized how much I have grown in my relationship and love for my husband. Of course it is to be expected that there will be growth and change in a relationship over time; I am so happy about the ways in which it has changed. I am still completely in love with my husband, but that isn't all. I respect him so much, and this respect has taught me about a completely different kind of love that I have for him. In college, I met the most amazing people, and I could not imagine my life without so many wonderful women. I have really been so blessed and encouraged by my friendships with the ladies I met, and I continue to learn from each of them.
When I think about all of these amazing blessings and lessons I've had since I wrote that letter 4 years ago, I know without a doubt that I would not have had any of these without pursuing my relationship with God. In my pursuit of the Lord, I have learned and been shown what loving with Christ-like love means. I learned that my own desires were nowhere near as important as His desires, and when I let go of mine, His became easy. I still struggle, but I know that He will continue to teach me and show me how to make my heart match His. I am so thankful for the ways in which the Lord has taught me since I wrote that letter to myself. I feel satisfied in knowing that He will continue to teach me, love me, and show me how to pursue His desires instead of my own.